I was shocked! So it was true... The confusing line told to all little girls- "Let him be, he's only picking on you 'cause he likes you!". I couldn't believe it! My entire life till then, I ignored it- I thought it was a little joke, or maybe just a way to make girls display more 'submissive' behavior, to become 'ideal'...
Then I got thinking. While in the west, chivalry is looked up to and thought of as a way of showing respect, we still have parts in our country where a man is considered to be rather 'unmanly' if he helps his wife or say, volunteers to do house hold chores, which are still considered to be the 'women's jobs'.
And so, the social concepts arise where boys believe that they have to be tough, and should 'pick on' the girl to show his affection. The girls are raised to believe that it's all right, feeding on the so-called 'security' that if he teases her, he likes her, and maybe prefers her over other girls- a type of 'flattery'!
Well, what if he turns abusive? Who is to be blamed if the boy who was told his entire life to "make fun of her" begins to hurt her emotionally, mentally, and even physically after their relationship becomes 'more serious'? Is it right to say "but that's just a way of showing my love for you" when she questions his harassment?
According to the UN, over 70% of married Indian women face abuse and domestic violence, sometimes even on a daily basis, and only a tiny fraction have the courage to open up about it.
Numerous acts have been passed, and after decades, Indian women have been given the rights they so justly deserve. And yet, the men rarely change, and the women remain quiet, unable to pull together the nerve to say anything about it.
Is this fear in these women only because they were always told to be docile, and tolerant, as "he only means to say he loves you"? Because they believe that his abuse is some strange show of fondness, in a complex morph that they know they will never be able to decipher...
After all, "Let him be, he's only picking on you 'cause he likes you!".
But is it really a fair excuse to leave the situation be?
And is it fair that some men who really show tenderness are dismissed as "not masculine"?
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ReplyDeleteHaha LOL it is true, dear. how come you didn't realize? XD Guys are like that-- they're from Mars, after all =P
ReplyDeleteI do agree with rest of the post. Guys are what they are because they are expected to be that way.
But sometimes those abusive animals you're talking about are tolerated by most women because we're expected to do so and uphold our family's 'honor'. Most women are used to compromise and therefore we learn to accept whatever comes our way. Questioning never really gets us anywhere, and there are some indomitable forces in society we can't go against. So we learn to live with that.
And as for the men who really care, they're labelled as sissies and gays. My dad and I had a long discussion about that once. When they say women are more emotional than men, it's only because men are expected to be unemotional, impassive, etc while women are allowed to express their feelings openly, and therefore, with this fact beaten into everyone as a kid, they actually turn out that way. For example-- 'Hey, you stupid little pansy, why are you crying like a girl?' implies boys who cry are pansies, and that only girls cry. Which of course, leads to the current situation as they grow up.
Im not saying boys should weep and wear their hearts on their sleeves. I'm only saying that every girl has a right to be just as professional and impassive as a man, but because 'it is okay to cry if you're a girl' is punched into every little kid's brain, women are not only portrayed as meek, but made that way too.
Ah, what a blasted situation. A girl isn't made strong or brave because that's too manly, and boys are made that way or they'll be too girly.
The most ironic part is that the boyish/girlish labels are made by us as well as enforced by us, even though we find them a hinderance to be whoever you are, no matter what gender you are.
And that, my dear, is sexual discrimination.
which is Exactly my point. I didn't want to be too harsh about it, because of course some people will be offended and so i carefully tried to make it as subtle and yet clear as possible, u know what i mean.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that a GUY told me that "everyone knows a boy will pick on a girl if he likes her" kind of freaked me out, because I never actually thought that even guys 'knew' the so-called fact about themselves!
And you know me, i am perpetually ranting about how 'Masculine and Feminine' is actually a SOCIAL concept and has very little to do with biology. Yes, females are made to be slightly, (how do i put it...) weaker than males in the PHYSICAL sense which is exactly why males feel superior. This sense of superiority is probably furthur created because essentially males (like in many animal species) fight among themselves to show physical superiority.
This is all actually a Theory in Sociology and basically SOCIETY is creating differences, steriotypes, and ristrictions.
What you said about 'Family Honour' is also true in most of the cases and that is a type of 'Forced-forgiveness' but i meant to talk more about was these women who might have the chance to change the situation don't because they accept it as a 'male thing' and believe that these behavior patterns are unchangable and already accepted among society.
If society in general looked down on abuse, then maybe, just maybe, these men will give it a thought and figure out that it is not some 'Right' that they were born with, to abuse women or that it actually makes no sense to show 'affecion' in the most pointless and least understandable forms.
yeah, totally agree withthe last 3 paras. a lot of things are accepted as 'typical guy behaviour' and girls are expected to put up with them.
ReplyDelete(haha but don't you think there is also 'typical girl behaviour' guys have to put up with? XD not talking about it in the societial sense, im saying more in the relationship kind of sense =P)
coming back to the point, i do see what you mean, and agree with it too, fellow feminist ^^
thanks for the agreement.
ReplyDeletemaybe the next thing i should write about is "typical girl behaviour" because once again that's a steriotype.
NOT ALL girls want to feel weak and protected or inferior or admired only physically.... and not all girls are CONTROLLING or shallow or....
well, you get the point.
Isn't it funny however, how girls in general DO show sappy-ness and are sometimes just.... wierd!
lol!
=P